Jesus Bring the Rain

I have set down to start this blog many times and have ended up hitting the back space button and staring at a blank page. My dad has won battle of cancer! He is no longer suffering in the awful cancer ridden body that was once the shell I hugged and loved on for 27 1/2 years! Heaven gained a great man on September 14, Wednesday night around 5:40 pm. I'm sure the angels rejoiced for the weary soul that was able to walk on the streets of gold that he had only dreamed about but became reality in the blink of an eye. I'm sure he was welcomed in the presence of my God with open arms and greeted with "Well done my faithful servant, welcome home!"
We all sat by his bedside as he slipped from this life to the next. I wish I could say we knew what was happening, but truthfully we did not know what was happening that very moment. However, we were there as a family and we all had a very private time that I will never forget. We had a beautiful funeral service Friday night Sept. 16 here in Springfield and then we all traveled up to his home town in Indiana and had another set of services up there along with a burial service on Tues Sept 20. Salvation was preached at both services and I know my dad would have been very proud of how everything was handled and said.
Since my dad was diagnosed with cancer he learned to play the guitar, simply to play and sing one song. In June of this year he sang and played Mercy Me's "Jesus Bring the Rain" so I will close with an exert from the song that he sang and lived with all his might.

I can count a million times

People asking me how I

Can praise You with all that I've gone through,

The question still amazes me

Can circumstances possibly

Change who I forever am in You?

Maybe since my life was changed

Long before these rainy days

It's never really ever crossed my mind

To turn my back on You, oh Lord

My only shelter from the storm,

but instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray,

Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free, bring me anything that brings You glory, and I know there'll be days when this life brings me pain but if that's what it takes to praise You, Jesus, bring the rain

The Big Boy Bed

I haven't blogged for a few weeks, partly because I don't want all my posts to be depressing with how Dad is doing so I was waiting for "something" blog worthy to type about! This week we have taken apart the baby crib and given Jaxen his big boy bed!!
He now has a car bed! He loves it! He immediately stood up and said "jump, jump!" I was confident he would adapt quickly and without problems. However, I was slightly wrong! The first few nights were awful!! After 45 minutes of blood curdling screams we decided it wasn't going to be as smooth as we hoped for! But each night has gotten a little better and we're anticipating normalcy any night now!
Next Saturday my baby boy will be 2!! We're planning a McDonald's birthday party so I will have pictures soon!!

Barbie Cake/Roller Skating!

This past weekend we got to go to Brandon's home town to celebrate our niece's birthday! Here is a picture of Jaxen sportin' his back pack with his cousins! He loves being the center of attention and the only boy! This picture was taken at Spaghetti Warehouse and the kids loved playing!
Our Emily was turning 7 and had a skating party! We were very anxious to see how Jaxen did with skates and everything that goes with that! Loved every bit of it!! They didn't have his size of skates so he was wearing 3 sizes too big! At first we stood him up and it was hilarious! He was like a wet noodle but within 20 minutes he was doing great and refused to use our hands for help! He was taking baby steps and didn't fall hardly at all! Being a parent puts such a great new spin on everything!

I got to make the cake for the party! This was my first Barbie cake and it was a blast! It took me 2 hours to decorate it after it baked for more then 2 hours but it was so so worth it! Emilly loved it and I'm super stoked that she'll remember it forever!!!

Daddy and Jaxen

I am so thankful that God chose to give us months to spend preparing to give Daddy to Heaven! So many people don't get any warning their loved one is dying and don't get to say how much they love them or mentally and emotionally prepare themselves. I thank God tha tHe has given us this time with my dad! The top picture that is shown was taken on June 10 and the bottom picture was taken tonight. 2 months and here we are! His belly is so swollen from retaining fluid so it is hard to tell how much weight he has lost, but he sure does look skinnier! Let me get this out there...I refuse to say that he is "loosing the battle to cancer" or when he dies that "he has lost the battle to cancer"! He is the strongest man I know for enduring what he has gone through these past 3 years and what this awful disease is doing to him he isn't loosing any battles! He is gaining his mansion in Heaven and getting to be with his creator! We are loosing him but he isn't loosing anyting! That's my rant! :o)

My Jaxen

Oh my little Jaxen! He has captured my heart so much! He will be 2 on September 17th and is, as the saying goes, "all boy"!! All my life I wanted to be a mom, who doesn't! For whatever reason God chose to let us have dificulty getting pregnant. I can't say that I know why He chose for us to wait, but what I do know is that Jaxen was so worth every struggling month of a failed pregnancy test and every tear that was shed during that time! He has brought me such joy and fun! He loves to wrestle and rough house, but also knows the perfect time to cuddle and hug! I believe that being a parent helps me realize a glimpse of the sacrifice it was for God to give Jesus up! How could a Father willingly give up his only son, whom was perfect and without blame for me...a selfish, pathetic, Christian whom deserves to hell without escape! God is so gracious to us to offer us that sacrifice and a way out!

It's Monday

I just started reading the book "Crazy Love." I will tell you I am definitely not, nor have I ever claimed to be a person that enjoys reading as a form of entertainment! That being said I am taking my time and really enjoying each page of this book! Brandon will be teaching the book as an elective on Wednesday nights at church starting in Sept. but I wanted to get a head start on it since I don't read very fast and wanted to take the class with him. The author explains in depth his view on how we should respond to what Christ has done for us! He has such a down to earth approach and a real way of expressing his views! I recommend this book to anyone that wants to look at Christianity in a fresh view!
Dad is still hanging in there. He has lost more weight and is much more sluggish then he used to be. It's hard to believe that 2 months ago we were taking our family pictures while Amber was in town, I look at those every day and am so thankful that we got them done when we did! That was God's timing for sure! He doesn't look like himself or even carry on much of a conversation much any more. 2 weeks ago I had Friday off work and he wanted to come help me get some things done and so during Jaxen's nap time he was helping me with dishes. Standing there next to each other I asked him if he was scared of what was going to happen within the next few months and he answered a confident no and that he was just ready to go now and would rather not have to wait and be a burden on anyone in the future. I reassured him that we would all take care of mom for him and to not worry about that. We spoke of who all he will see in heaven that has preceded him and how cool that will be to hold my sister Lisa's baby she lost! We all have that peace that passes any understanding of what is happening. God is in control and we all know that this is part of His plan! Thank you for your continued prayers!

A letter to God

If I could write a letter to God this might be what I would write:
Dear God,
I respectfully have a few questions that are on my heart lately that I need your help with. Nothing silly like why in the world did you give us mosquito's although that would be nice to have an answer to. But more serious questions like for instance, why is it that we tithe and give to missions like you ask us to, but there is still more month at the end of the of our budget? Why do you allow young school aged girls that come from awful backgrounds and have no means to support a child get pregnant while I have friends that are good Godly Christians are unable to get pregnant? Why do you allow abortion to be legal and take so many innocent lives every day? Why the horrible "natural" disasters? Why is it that we are willing to serve You in full time ministry but we can't seem to get a job doing so? Why are you allowing my Dad to endure this horrific disease we call cancer? Why will you take his life so early, before he is able to see my brother get married or my son go to kindergarten? Why does he have to feel such pain in the body you have given him here on earth? How can I have such a peace and not be upset with you the giver and taker of life? What will this "daddy's girl" do on Father's Day next year?
Love, Melissa

If God were to take time to write back it might look like this:
Dear Child,
I love you so much! Please be patient and realize you can't see the whole picture that I have drawn for you. I wish you could see your life through my eyes and know that I have a reason for everything that is aloud to happen there on earth. Take joy in knowing that your earthly Dad will be with me soon and I will show him the wonders of Heaven that only you can dream about! He will get to meet Peter, Moses, Abraham, and Joseph, he will sit and listen as they tell their memories first hand. I have prepared a place for him and it is something out of this world! It has a KC Chiefs room that is one of a kind! Know that he will be ok and feel no more pain once He is with me. I know you will miss him but you will make it just fine on the memories you have made with him in 27 years.
I love you my child!
Your Heavenly Father